Aikido and Ego

When I began learning Aikido, I was just 16.

So being a teenager, I then thought Aikido could make me strong in order to defend myself, I learnt and copied the techniques dealing with various possible attacks (grips, strikes etc). I studied them and it became apparent that the more I was studying them, the more I came to realise that I needed to practice a lot more in order to know the techniques well and deeply.

Like in any class, the instructor would show you the technique from specific attack a few times and we would then have to quickly find a partner and practice the technique together taking turns (being Uke & Tori). But by then, there were some obvious obstacles: the instructor who demonstrated the technique made it look easy to do. The reality then hits you knowing that it is far from easy to do them!

The challenge of copying the technique correctly was one thing but there were far more obstacles when your partner is bigger or stiffer or stronger or even more awkward towards you, really added some serious obstacles to me in the beginning. But one thing for sure, is that I was enjoying practicing Aikido (even now and more so)!

But as I was determined to get there no matter how long it will take me. My determination was due to my hearing disability having to prove others that I can lead a normal life too. “You fall seven times and you get up 8 times and carry on”. This is exactly my testimony in my life essentially due to my disability in my early childhood as I wanted to show my mother that I deserved a place in a normal school instead of being in a disabled school, which crossed her mind at one point...

When you begin learning Aikido and discover that the technique is not working, as you would want it to be, then you are naturally tempted to use your own strength to overcome your partner if he/she was making it more difficult with you. But as you know, this is not how it is supposed to be done.

So when you get to this stage, you use your own ego to overcome this challenge, because it gives you a quick answer to your problem. Who wants to be stuck? No one does of course. So your ego tells you (a voice in your head): “use your strength now”. When you are a beginner, this may not be such a big deal but when you progress much further, you begin to be a lot more sensitive to this inner voice of yours and you truly want to avoid that.

But like all things, it truly does take a long time repeating the techniques and practicing them with different partners who will be smaller, taller, stiffer, bigger, stronger, more agile or supple. The truth is that you must experience the technique with as many partners as you possibly can, as it is the only way to know if your technique will work with everyone or not.

It will tell you also if you are applying the technique correctly or not. If you practice with the same partners who may be (sometimes) too compliant, you may be in for a ‘wake-up call’ when you practice Aikido with a different partner.

So, the fact that we can practice with all kinds of partners, does forge our own Aikido and help us to remove our ego too.

You have to be patient. A virtue that is not always seen (sadly) with a few practitioners when they decide to give up practicing because they may realise that it is too difficult or that they were on a very short journey to only pursue the black belt and then stop. This journey for just attaining black belt is a trap to me, as they get seduced with their own ego that they believe they are good now and that they have the level attained is ‘enough’ to be good in Aikido and possibly to defend themselves outside the Dojo.

To me, the journey of becoming Shodan (black belt) is ONLY a beginning in pursuing to learn Aikido deeply.

Let’s return to when I started practicing Aikido: I was young and thought by learning the ‘physical’ techniques, I would be then able to subdue and defend myself against any possible attackers (I suppose many of us would have thought the same too).

My journey became clear that I misunderstood this bit, as truly it takes many, many years to master the techniques and that although they are there to help us defend ourselves but that the more, I was practicing the more I understood that I was not just learning to defend against any attackers but I was fighting with myself and my ego rather than with my partners.

You practice removing your ego and in Aikido practice, a good teacher can be your guide to help you but ultimately can only show you the way and it is up to you to walk through the door or not.

In my case, if I was becoming stuck in a technique, I would try and find another way to reconnect with my partner or to simply accept what has happened and go back to basics and rebuild my understanding. Your ego should not have a place to influence your learning of  Aikido.

Many Aikidokas over the years, sadly have given up or stop practicing Aikido at some point believing perhaps that it is a little bit more complicated than they have anticipated or that due to change of circumstances, they feel they do not need Aikido anymore.

Whereas they are some, whom I regard them as true warriors in spirit, as they continue to turn up to the Dojo and keep practicing, week after week, month after month and eventually years after years. Some become teachers and teach good Aikido spreading what they know and love about this Art and teach it humbly.

When you continue to learn Aikido leaving your ego in a box so to speak, I am confident that you will improve and begin to see deeper layers of what Aikido truly is.  We practice over and over again and we improve with Aikido gradually. When you do this constantly by seeking to improve your technique, no matter what level you are, if you are 3rd Kyu or 3rd Dan you will find that the learning process will never end as long as your ego is in put aside!

Sadly, there are some Aikidokas who have been practicing for a number of years, and if we look at their Aikido, we can notice that their Aikido appears to have been ‘stuck in time’ or in another word that their Aikido has not really changed over the years. I believe that this happens for a number of reasons: some simply stop pursuing the quest to improve their techniques believing that they have ‘got it’. To me this would be a manifestation of their own ego that has blinded them and prevented them from progressing much further. Some simply just turn up to practice a little rather than seriously making constant improvement to previous training.

In my view, if we are serious about wanting to improve our Aikido, we must be honest with ourselves and be critical of our own Aikido and therefore be mindful our own ego too.

Is my ego at the forefront when I practice Aikido or do I put it in a box when I practice Aikido?

I know that the truth hurts but we need to face it if we desire to be honest wanting to attain higher level in Aikido. That is why, I believe that if everyone on earth understood and were practicing Aikido honestly, there would be peace on earth!

We don’t just learn to fight but we learn to be in tune with our heart, and to connect with our partner like with the Awase (Blending) that we often speak in Iwama Aikido for instance.

So my sincere advice to you reading this blog, is to find a way to listen to your heart and trust your instinct with Aikido and enjoy every moment possible as if it could be your last. I can assure you that your quality of training will massively improve. Aikido has all the ingredients to make us better human beings, more respectful with one another.

The real question is: are you willing to put your ego aside? If you do, you will certainly be on a quest to gradually learn Aikido on whole new level never seen before…